Hit me baby one more time

Hit me baby one more time for Martin MacPhail

My beloved Brit,

I must confess that my loneliness is killing me now. I get out for meals, exercise and yeah of course there are the occassional visitors. There's never you. Never. I miss you. When I'm not with you I lose my mind, but I guess I have to get used to that now.

I can't expect you to wait for me. By the time I'm out I'll be an old man. So find someone that makes you laugh. You have the most amazing laugh. Have some kids, I always said you'd make a great mummy. 

It's not the way I planned it. I'd never touched a gun before. I'd never stolen anything in my life. They say the guy is paralysed. I didn't mean it - you have to believe me. It just went off in my hand. I thought I'd killed him Brit - thought he was gone. I had to do it. I was desperate. They were going to kill you if I didn't pay them back. 

It shouldn't have got to this, I know I should've got help. Spoken to someone, like you kept telling me. I got cocky but I swear they told me it was a 'fool proof system' - I just had to follow the signals and follow the plan. "Hit me baby one more time." Those words will haunt me. I knew I'd fucked up. The guy that signalled shook his head and left, so did the rest of the team. Ten of clubs. Bust. House wins. 

If I didn't pay them back the full fifty grand they said they'd come after everyone I'd ever loved - starting with you.

I don't expect you to forgive me, I just need you to understand.

I love you Brit. The reason I breathe is you.

Love,

Paul